gladcow

I first decided to go to Western Mennonite school during my freshman year. I'd gone to a retreat there during the late winter and had snagged a long distance boy friend. As I was leaving the retreat, I wanted something of that boy's to take home with me. I asked him for a neclace he was wearing, but he told me I couldn't have that as it belonged to his friend. He gave me a cheap ring instead. Once home, I started lobbying my parents to let me go to school there. See, I was also very interested in my religion and wanted to go to a school where religion was the focus. And, you know, the boy. They were kind enough to find the money in the budget to send me, and I started my sophomore year. The boyfriend was long gone, so I was there for religion, I guess ;) By October, I'd had a romantic relationship end with a close friend end fairly painfully, and decided to stop looking for boys all together. I swore off romantic love. I've always been a bit melodramatic.

March 16, 1994, give or take a day or two:
I'm sitting in the Ad(ministration) Building after school answering phones as one of my campus jobs. It generally comprised of me sitting in a room for two hours and hoping the phone would ring. The hallway outside my door led to the outside door which led to the chapel. I saw Stan walk by, out the door. Then, he came back and poked his head in my little room to ask if the chapel was open. I responded that I'd seen people go in, but didn't really know much else. He was locked out (he'd been wanting to practice guitar with a friend, I think) so he plopped down on the couch in my little room and started chatting with me. I don't really remember what all we talked about. I think there had been a talent show recently, and so we talked about that, probably. I'd performed poetry and he'd performed music. I thought he was pretty kick ass. He was a Senior, and well liked. I was a sophomore and too new to school for anyone to have much of an opinion of me. I'm fairly sure I handed him my poetry book at some point that afternoon.

The next day:
He met me at Mr Aeschliman's room that day. He was dressed so nicely, in slacks and a button up shirt and a tie. I couldn't help but hope he had dressed nice with me in mind (he hadn't :p). He handed back my raggedy poetry book and replied that he'd read them all and liked them quite a bit. I was immediately smitten. He read my (embarrassingly nerdy) poems! In one night! (there were a lot) And he liked them! SWOOOOOOON

The whole next week:
We continued to talk and spend time together as friends. I was falling deeply, deeply in love with him and I thought I was hiding it well (I wasn't :p). I hoped he liked me, too.

March 23, 1994:
We met after school, in the chapel, to talk. I couldn't stand another week of ambiguity, so I was just going to spill. If I remember correctly, he wanted to talk, too. We sat on the very back pew, on the stage left side. I remember staring at his lips as we talked and thinking of kissing those lips forever. I don't recall who said what first. But I do recall that we were of one mind. He did have feelings for me, too. We talked a bit about taking it slowly. We could feel this big big love enveloping us and we both were afraid it could be too much too fast. We kissed. I had to run to do my job at the cafeteria, and I got there so late that I had to wash the pots (WMS alumni will understand that)! We made plans to meet up after my dinner shift. Because I was washing pots, I didn't even get to see him in the line at dinner. I rushed back to the chapel after and met him on the stage, behind the curtains, at the piano. We kissed again, and tried very hard to not let the emotions run wild...

Oh, and the neclace. That I wanted from that other boyfriend? It belonged to Stan & it's now in my jewelery box. <3

Ah, spring. Every spring I think of this story, and I'm so thankful. We found each other! That big big love enveloped us, alright. It kept us safe during the hard times and joyous during the easy times. Thank you, Stan. Thanks for stopping.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I rose early, 6:00, to a very quiet dorm. My roommate was sleeping soundly, but I couldn't. The cafeteria wasn't open for breakfast yet, so I had to busy myself for an hour or so until I could see him again. I suppose there was breakfast to be had, too, but I had no appetite for food. All I could think of was him. That certainly hasn't changed.

I talk about our upcoming anniversary a lot. It has always held meaning for us, and now that it's here, I'm gobsmacked with emotion. I've spent more of my life with him now then I did without him before. He is my center, which is what I felt all those years ago in the early dawn.

Falling in love, for me, was physical in addition to being emotional. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep and I really didn't care (this is a surprise if you know me). My body was running on hormones and emotions and pure unadulterated love. Apparently that's all it needed.

As I've been examining those first weeks of our relationship, I'm noticing the luck. I've always focused on the cliches before. We fell in love in spring, we were high school sweethearts, etc. But, the LUCK. I suppose that is another story*, the story of us.

We knew, on that first day, 16 years ago tomorrow, that we were about to fall into a very deep strong love. We just knew. And we wanted to protect that deep strong love, so it didn't ruin us with it's intensity. We talked about that on the first day, just before the first kiss. I suppose we did our best, with the protecting. We were right about the depth and strength. I'm not sure I knew we'd be married just then. But I felt something in him, something deep I was falling into.

And so here we are, sixteen years in. I cannot express how thankful and in love I am with him. Still.

*I'll type that story up this week. Promise.

Start your ovens!

this morning, on the ride to school, the boy worried he forgot his gym clothes. he checked his bag, and found them there. he then remembered that the day break started he washed his gym clothes and put them back in his backpack so he wouldn't forget them when school started up again.

he was almost as proud of himself as I of him.

Yesterday as we were driving home from gymnastics, the girl asked about Hitler. I think they had mentioned his name on NPR. So, I explained about Hitler and the Nazis and discrimination and Anne Frank. She was taken aback. She summed the whole issue up nicely: "everyone is different & everyone is equal". Man, I love that kid.

This morning the boy was reading a bunch of his vegan stickers on his Pokemon box. "Meat is murder...yes it is!...I am not a nugget...no you are a little baby chick..." Lastly he came upon the "Question Authority Sticker" to which he replied "YEAH!" heh, that's my boy.

<3

Today, my mother and her siblings are moving GGB into the nursing home area of her assisted living facility. She's deteriorated a bit, and needed more care. It's good for her to have what she needs. I feel so lucky that she is able to have all she needs.

That said, it's a sad day for me. I can feel her slowly slipping away and I'm not ready. Which is totally selfish, but it's how I feel right now. The grief hits me in bits and pieces. A few weeks ago, I picked the first zucchini from our garden. I was walking back towards the house and thinking about how proud she'd be and then I couldn't stop crying. There is so much I wish she could still see, and understand, and remember. I'm so proud to be a gardener now, like she and Papa Lee were. I think they're proud of me, too.

When I get home tonight, Mom will have left me a very special cabinet. I will see it, and I will cry and I will remember. When the girl was a baby, and I was staying at home, we started going to visit GGB weekly to visit and play Scrabble. We'd visit, and eat sweets, and the kids would play and once, she even made me take a nap while she watched the kids. The kids love to hang out with GGB. She knows what kids like, always has, as long as I can remember. She always had so many things to think and do (much like my Mom has now for my kids) and I loved spending time at her house. One tradition from my childhood that she carried on into my children's years is the craft supplies. She had so many fun scraps and sheets and motley things. Mimeograph paper, old printer paper, old reciept books, tape (!), the whole gamut. Once the kids and I started coming regularly, she put together a little cabinet, right next to the door, to keep all the craft things in for the kids. They knew it was their cabinet, that they could rifle through it and use everything and put it all back when they were done (okay, that last one was something we reminded them of). So, today, when I come home, I'll see that cabinet. And I'll remember when my grandma and I first became friends.

my very awesome babysitter called me today to relay something she witnessed at the Coffee House. She overheard a couple people talking. The first one handed the other a book* and said "here it is, I got it awhile ago at Lifesource". The other person said "omg! I've been looking for this for a long time!"

*my book :D

cupcakes from my party yesterday. chocolate with white chocolate ganache. vegan and gluten free as usual.

I had a nice low key party yesterday with cupcakes and iced drinks and wandering in my garden. It was wonderful.

I figure I'll never get around to really telling this story, so I'm going to just edit an email I sent and call it good. Last week, the husb and I saw John Vanderslice at Mississippi Studios and it was AWESOME! This is my third time seeing him and it was the best yet. The big deal about this particular concert is that I brought homemade cookies to give the bands. Vanderslice had requested them via his blog, and I was happy to oblige once my friend NPA bullied me into it. I do what I'm told (sometimes)!

The show was great! We got there right after the doors opened and got good seats in the balcony. the husb got drinks, which were very strong and made me go look for food. There was something I could eat! After I got the food, I noticed Vanderslice come out from backstage and he was talking with some dudes next to the stage. After some back and forth with the husb, we decided this was the time. Our rationale was that if I gave them to him before the concert, he might say something during the concert. So I headed downstairs and approached the stage. I saw a dood sitting on the stage, near me and I gestured with the cookies. I told him Vanderslice had asked for cookies, so I brought them. He was stoked! He took a cookie and told Vanderslice he better have some (thanks, dood who turned out to be the drummer for the opening band, Mimicking Birds!) Vanderslice took two and told me he had gum in his mouth, but that he would eat them later. I told him what kind they were and that they were for everyone, he said he would take them in the back. I introduced myself and he shook my hand and thanked me again. EEEEEEE. I then headed back upstairs and told the husb “I just gave him cookies like it was my job!” (heh) and rehashed.

Then the show started and the openers (Mimicking Birds, local and kind of Modest Mouse/Shins/awesome) were outstanding (even if possibly very very drugged). Vanderslice came on and played his set. He’s so great live. He’s got great banter. Throughout the show he mentioned how much he loves Portland and how he wishes he lived here. Someone yelled “It’s not too late!” heh. Another time he was complaining about the lighting and that his keyboardist, Ian, didn’t have enough light, so someone in the venue passed up a flashlight, which he threw to the balcony and instructed someone to hold it over Ian. After one song he complimented them on their good job and offered them some “homemade cookies” he had backstage. !!! So fun and neat. After the show, he cranked some Beastie Boys (that he had asked people to bring via twitter!) and people danced a little bit. We tracked him down at the merch table and after he was done hugging the opening drummer I had my turn. He said hello and thanked us for coming (he is so nice! seriously, it’s like we came over for lemonade or something…) and offered to sign my stuff. The first thing was a snippet of tape from the recording studio session that I got when I pre-ordered my cd. There were only 100. I got #96. And it has my name on it. It looks like this:
http://www.johnvanderslice.com/article.php?news_itemNEWS_ITEM_ID=198
well, he hadn’t even seen one! I was the first! His record label has been handling it all. He tOtally geeked out over it and told me he got in a lot of trouble because it was such a short number and he ended up with 100 disappointed emails. He even went so far as to say that mine could have been the very last one because the label held back a few of them. He thought it was so cool looking and he asked if they put my name on it or if I did. I told him they put it on and he said “That is SO COOOLLLL!”. my thoughts exactly, John. Then, he noticed that my name appeared to have an extra M and I said, MMM because it’s so good. yes! Verbosity for the win! He laughed and signed it. He signed our other stuff and I thanked him for the great show and told him that it really is true, he really is the second nicest guy in indie rock (there is a saying that he is the nicest guy in indie rock). He said, Second? Who’s first?! And I said, him (and pointed at the husb), he’s my husband. :) He said that was sweet and just the way it should be. Then we decided to head home. We got the car and then decided we should have used the restroom, so we circled back around. Went in, went potty, remembered we hadn’t closed our tab (oops! We had lots of near misses like this yesterday and everything just went so perfectly. Thank you, universe!) so we closed it and then headed back to the merch table. We decided to go ahead and get the limited edition record he had and also got a cd for a friend (we owed him from the last time we saw the slice) and he signed it “see you Sunday!” when he heard that they were all going to Sasquatch. (see! so nice!) We chatted a bit about when he’s playing next (Sept! Music Fest NW! Doug Fir!) and thanked him again.

So perfect!